| How Important is Mental Stamina for Your Child? |
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| Carmen M. Schnider-Kemp | |||
| Friday, 18 May 2007 | |||
  I was recently confronted with a question from an parent on one of the internet lists: Is it typical "Indigo" when a 2 year old does not want to finish what she started, respectively give up an experience without having taken it to the fullest? The writer continued expressing her opinion that maybe all Indigos are a bit ADD/ADHD and just need support and understanding from their parents. While I agree, that a lot of children and adults working with indigo energy have a tendency to start multiple things and not finish them, have many thoughts going through their minds simultaneously and at times struggle to focus on a given task, my toenails wanted to curl backwards, when I read the well meant advice. Stamina is not necessarily a trait our kids get born with, it needs to be cultivated! It is normal that a child of only 2 years wants to try out many different things and looses interest in stuff at the drop of a hat. That is not specifically indigo, most kids do that and it is a normal phase in their development. It should also be part of the normal development of a child to learn to finish things, as much as it is part of the normal curriculum for a child to have to learn to put away what they have taken out of their cupboards. Of course, a parent can decide to forever clean up behind the child and ensure that the child never becomes self-confident, self-sufficient and all those lovely strengths that start with the self... If you let a child drop everything in an instant, you teach the child to give up. You encourage them to become a sail in the wind, without "stomach" to hold out the storms of life. The notion of your child - in the middle of the ocean - stuck in a nutshell of a boat without a motor, is about what you set your offspring up for, when you expect them to know at two years old, to what extent they need to develop a skill or carry on with an activity. Encourage your child to finish what s(he) started When my daughter started at Montessori Pre-School, she was overwhelmed with the choice of extra-murals they offered. She started Modern Dancing and Swimming. Not much later, she wanted to do Yoga, Karate, Gymnastics and Golf. When I pointed out to her that she is only 3 years old and I would not like to fill her every minute to the brim with activities, she decided on a frequent bases that she now wants to join Ballet and drop Gymnastics. The following month Yoga and Karate were on the list and all previous extra-mural activities should have been dropped. She even let her teachers know each time she changed her mind. Of course after the second time trying to pick her up at Modern Dancing and finding her at Yoga instead, we had some serious discussions. It was rather comical to be faced with the wrath of a 3 year old, who is adamant that Modern Dancing is only for "Sissies", swimming is out of the question because her leg is broken, and that she must join Gymnastics and Yoga, because big girls do that! This is delivered with a stern face, forehead wrinkled like a Shar Pei and a lower lip the shape of a coal shovel. We settled: she finish the term with Modern Dancing and replaces it with Yoga next term. I promised she can do Gymnastics if she carries on with the swimming. Karate and Golf were left aside for the time being. - It is not easy to negotiate with a determined 3 year old. It is certainly easier to pick up behind them than to encourage them to do it themselves. Yet, persistence pays off later - Or so I am told. "Dinosaur" approach Of course, you could say, hey! - Why do you even discuss these things with your daughter? Just make a decision and stick to it. Yes, this works as well... short-term. It does not teach your little one to navigate that boat in her direction. It does not teach her how to get the motor going either. Self-confidence, self-reliance and trust do not get encouraged with the "I say - you do" approach. So beware in the age of I-pods, the Internet and Cell phones, you need "wise" kids so they don't follow prey to adult pretenders with less than good intentions. Traps for parents of 21st century children There is indeed a trap that is easy to fall into for you. Especially if you read up on some of the traits of indigo children and low and behold - find some that fit. If these children are intuitive and often psychic, they must know what is good for them. Yes - sure, and we can learn a tremendous amount if we listen carefully to these wise old souls. I am learning at the speed of lighting with my daughter. I remember ideas and goals that fell by the wayside in the course of navigating some storms. But the intuitive, psychic kids came as children, remember? If they knew everything already, they would have come as adults. Whether you believe in re-incarnation or in all the places these children apparently originate from, one thing is for sure: the only present you have is here and now and it is your task to encourage your children how to conduct themselves here and now. So if your child indeed has a mission, do your utmost by guiding wisely, that s(he) will be heard when the time is right. Good negotiating!
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