| How to Say “No” and Mean It |
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| Ririan | |||
| Wednesday, 28 May 2008 | |||
 “The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”
Identify all the reasons you have for saying no. Identify those which stem from a lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request. What would happen if you said yes? Perhaps:
The role of guilt Saying “no” is hard for many of us and guilt often comes into play. Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no,” we often recognise it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it. You can say no You’ve made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, you realize you do honestly want to say “NO”. Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly… in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye, and do it. Just say “NO”. Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you. When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently? Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with. Then go, and say “NO”. After you say no If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it! They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request. Be prepared for this! Know your boundaries – what ARE you willing to do? Revisit the questions you asked yourself before – what would happen if you said no and what would happen if you said yes? If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns. Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further. If you are comfortable expressing your reasons why, then do so speaking from your personal perspective. How to say NO 1. The “Wet lettuce NO” If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO! Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp. By saying NO in an unconfident manner it will make you feel as though you have got to convince the other person about your decision and the reasons why you have said it! 2. The “Mr Angry NO” This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO. It is done in an aggressive manner and usually said with contempt. It is not an effective way to communicate your NO. Here are a couple of examples: “NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got to be joking, aren’t you?” And: “NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that piece of work.” 3. The assertive NO This is the best way to say NO! In a firm, yet polite voice say: “No. I will not be able to do that for you”. Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet: “No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at that time.” 4. Use effective body language When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications: Look the person in the eye when you say the NO; shake your head at the same time as saying NO; stand up tall; use a firm tone in your voice. 5. When all is said and done Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly entitled to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you?” No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer. Even just delay for a couple of minutes – it will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts. It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say no, what words to use and to think about your body language. Practice saying NO Practice makes perfect, as they say! In the next seven days, try to say NO more often. So whether it is the insurance tele-salesman, the cold call, “Would you like chips with that?” or the shop assistant – practice saying NO when you mean it to one person for at least the next seven days. You’ll be an expert by the end of the week! Feeling the benefits Once you’ve become an expert in the appropriate use of NO, you’ll start to notice the following:
The list goes on from there…
Disclaimer: Harmonious Living is written for and read by a community of individuals with strong and independent opinions. While the publishers of Harmonious Living are dedicated to providing a forum in which views can be openly expressed, those views do not necessarily reflect those of the publishers.
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