| Illness and the Soul |
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| John Payne | |||
| Monday, 30 October 2006 | |||
 - Hidden loyalties to those that came before us
In the words of Dr Bertold Ulsamer "Children seldom or never dare to live a happier or more fulfilling life than their parents. Unconsciously they remain loyal to unspoken family traditions, which work invisibly. Systemic Constellations are a way of discovering underlying consequential family bonds and forces, which have been carried unconsciously over several generations." In Family Constellation work, we are aware of three levels of consciousness. The individual, the family consciousness and the consciousness of greater groups such as nations and ethnic groups. As individuals, we are not islands. We belong to groups, and the group of strongest influence is made up of parents, siblings, grandparents and so on and so forth. So in which way do we belong to this group? Clearly, from a biological perspective, we are our parents and grandparents, having similar physical characteristics and more often than not, similar personality traits and emotional characteristics. However, there is a far deeper truth than this that is revealed through the 'Knowing Field' as employed by Family Constellations. The 'field' contains energy and information and so within the 'family soul' (or field) the experiences and loyalties of our ancestors are stored. In using the words 'ancestors', we may naturally think of some far flung individual living in ancient times, sword and shield in hand, however, in the trans-generational healing work of Family Constellations, 'ancestors' are much more close to hand and starts with our parents and grandparents. What we have observed consistently is that traumatic events such as the Anglo-Boer War, the early death of parents, grandparents and children, accidental deaths, murders, adoptions and placement in an orphanage can have a deep residual impact even three to five generations later. Just as such experiences can leave emotional scars with the individual that may affect the pattern of their lives for many years to come, or until its conclusion, so too do such events leave an imprint on the family soul where individuals one or more generations later can feel those feelings as their own. These emotional imprints have been observed to lead to alcohol and drug abuse, depression, disruptive relationship patterns, bi-polar and even cancer and similar life limiting illness and disease. But why? The nature of the Soul is to be inclusive of all things, it does not separate experience or qualities into that which is good or that which is not good, it simply acknowledges what is, likewise with the family soul. One of the greatest difficulties that we as individuals face is to accept fate, not only our own, but often the fate of others. Fate is much greater than ourselves and always has its roots in the distant past. Perhaps, as a coloured South African, the fate that created us as we are today was the influx of Malay slaves several generations ago, or perhaps our fate is the death of our father when we were only three years old, or any other event over which we can have no influence. I have observed that when the fate of another is not accepted and submitted to, then the individual on whom a particular fate falls becomes excluded within a family system. With that in mind, we return to the Soul principle of 'that which is excluded will be represented (included)'. Let's say for example that your grandfather's first wife died in childbirth. This is a tremendous loss and one that would be very difficult for anyone to accept as their fate. This kind of event leaves an almost indelible mark on the family soul. You may be the child of the surviving child, or the grandchild of your grandfather's second wife. What feelings would such an event create? There would be grief for certain, but what about guilt? More often than not, when a woman dies in childbirth the husband feels guilty, blaming himself for her death, for if it were not for sexuality, she would not have died in this way. And what of the child that survives this ordeal? What would his or her feelings be? Guilty for simply living? Guilt towards the father for having caused his beloved's death? Suicidal? All of these feelings such as guilt and grief are passed to the following generations and what is not surprising as this deeper truth is revealed, is that you may at this very moment be looking at your teenage daughter wondering why she is so depressed, or trying to figure out why your younger brother has taken an overdose, or why you have developed breast cancer. On working within a Family Constellation setting for a client that had breast cancer, she gazed at the representatives for her great-grandmother and two of her children that perished in the concentration camps of the Boer War. On revealing her hidden loyalty to her ancestor, my client smiled, feeling proud that the memory of her great-grandmother's suffering was alive and well in her, a living testament to the continuing struggle against the perpetrators. Hidden loyalties, when revealed, can be a challenge to disentangle ourselves from, as our allegiance to those that have suffered before us at times seems to have no bounds. At times I have witnessed the cases of young children that volunteer gladly to take on the suffering of an entire family system and manifest that in illness and disease. Such cases are deeply touching and are testimony to the simple and uncomplicated love that children have for their parents, no matter how misguided the loyalty may be. The days of viewing and treating an illness as a stand alone event or phenomenon have slipped by and a holistic approach today, in my view, must include then entire family system. In doing so, we do not look at relationships in terms of personalities, but we look at the expanded view of family relationships in terms of events and their possible trans-generational impact. Working within the context of Family Constellations is devoid of guilt, we simply look at what is, and no blame is apportioned to parents, for they themselves are subject to the same influences of entanglements within the family soul. On a deeper level, often we as adults or children will say "Grandmother, because you suffered so greatly, I too will suffer out of loyalty to you". However, there are also some surprising and perhaps unexpected loyalties that also reveal themselves. These unexpected loyalties stem from individuals that are not even a biological member of our family, but are a part of our family's history. For example, an Afrikaans client of mine who's father had been in the police force during the Apartheid era described herself as almost literally working like a slave for a B.E.E. company. What was revealed was her inner impulse to 'atone' for her father's 'sins'. Very often I have seen that both victims and perpetrators within our family history and those associated with our family through such events, can be represented in later generations, this is especially true of Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia, Bulimia Nervosa and Anorexia. So, what if you are faced with these or similar conditions within your family? If not illness or a mental or emotional condition, but disruptive life patterns and you are not clearly aware of any significant events that have had an impact on your family? Through Family Constellation work and the revelations of the field, such events can come to light and the healing can begin. In the case of sick children, the history will always lie with or behind the parents, so there is much that we as parents can do ourselves to bring about resolution. Recently, on speaking with a Native American story teller, she shared with me that her people believe that when an individual is healed, healing takes place for seven generations behind and seven generations forward. My experience and findings within Family Constellation work certainly appears to support that traditional belief.
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